Advice I Wish I’d Heard Before Having Kids…

Having a baby is scary business. Even after five, I still worry about…well…everything! There are so many ups and downs to parenting, it’s impossible to feel like you’ve got a grasp on every last detail. I worry about my kids’ sleep schedules, how they’re doing in school, if the baby has allergies, the amount of time I spend reading with them in the evenings, if I waited too long to start them in swim lessons. Literally everything is a concern to me! (Just one of the perks of parenting.)

And it’s more than okay to worry (maybe don’t get quite so wrapped around the axle as I do…). However, there are a few things I feel like I’ve figured out in the nearly nine years I’ve been a mom. I may never figure out the perfect sleep schedule for all five kids, but some things are becoming easier as time goes on.

Maybe you’re a new parent or maybe you’re only considering having kids in the future. Whatever your situation is, I hope this list lends you a little support and clarity in your parenting adventure!

Trust yourself. I promise, you know more than you think you do. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was on the phone CONSTANTLY with my mom. I asked her every question under the sun. Shouldn’t I feel him kick yet? Why does my tailbone hurt? What’s this strange line on my belly? Should I try for an all natural birth? Is Zharisker too weird of a name??? And it only got worse after he was born! I second guessed every single decision I made for him. From which diapers to use to when to take him to the doctor’s. And while I will always be an advocate for getting a second opinion (especially if it’s from your mom), I finally learned that often times I actually knew what to do. My instincts as a mom work! Who knew??
Give yourself grace. You’re going to mess up. You’re going to fail. And you’re going to feel awful about it. Just take a breath, do what you can to fix it, and don’t beat yourself up about it. One time I turned my back on my toddler (to tend to his baby sister), he bailed off the church pew, and split the bridge of his nose wide open! I felt awful about it! Every time I looked at his bruised and cut up little face, I was convinced I was a negligent mother. But eventually it healed (and so did I). It even left a cute little scar that he likes to tell the story about how he got. Just know that things will happen that make you feel like the worst parent in the world. You’re not though. Be kind to yourself, please.
Don’t quit on your dreams. Before I met my husband, I had my entire career mapped out exactly the way I wanted it to go. My five and ten year plans were on point! I was going to do some big things! But then love happened and my plans were heavily modified. We had our first baby just a couple months after I graduated from college and I threw myself wholeheartedly into being the best mom I could be. I put all my dreams on hold (except the one about being a mom) and told myself I’d get back to them when the time was right. Only, the time was never right and it didn’t take long for me to start feeling very unfulfilled in my role as a stay at home mom. I take a lot of pride in being a stay at home mom and I feel undeniably blessed to be able to be able to do so, but I still wanted to be able to do something that helped me work toward my goals beyond motherhood. I put those feelings on hold entirely too long (eight years!) before I finally made the time to focus on my dreams again. Even though I was never busier, I realized that I was a much better mom for allowing myself this bit of self satisfaction. I felt fulfilled again by realizing my potential beyond being a mom and it gave me the desire and willingness to be the best parent I could be. Even if your dreams are wild and crazy, don’t ever stop taking the baby steps you’ll need to see them realized. Each small goal accomplished will make you a better person and parent!
Give yourself alone time. Parenting is hard. It is a 24/7 job. Even if you work outside the home, you are constantly on call. It can be high stress, high tempo, and high anxiety. You have to take time to let yourself relax and unwind. This is another thing I was really bad about for the first few years (okay maybe I’m only just now getting better about it!). Take a class, go to the gym, rent a cabin and read all the books you can get your hands on for a couple of days (I can attest to this one!). Even just letting your spouse cover child care duties so you can go for a walk after dinner means you’ll get a few minutes to yourself. I hated feeling like I couldn’t be a great mom 100% of the time, but the truth is: I need time to myself to refill my cup so I can keep pouring it out for my kids.
Ask for help. I’m a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child. Now that I think about it, I might need a whole city since I have five….Anyway! I’m so blessed to be able to live as close to my parents as I do and I ask them for help frequently. Even if you don’t have family close by, create a tribe for yourself that you can rely on for support. There will be times you’ll need a helping hand, a last minute babysitter, or a second opinion. Find people you can trust and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Don’t feel like a burden, you’re not. The people who love you want to help you, so let them.

There are so many amazing things that can come from having kids. They change you and make you better in ways you didn’t even know was possible. They also challenge you in ways you didn’t know was possible. If you’re going to thrive in parenthood, be kind to yourself. Otherwise, you’re just surviving.

What are some other things you wish you had known before having kids? I’m sure there are lots more!