Be kind. Always.

If there is one thing I’ve learned in the last year, it is to always be kind to yourself.

I’m one of those people that feels everything. The high highs and the low lows. I absorb the energy and attitudes that other people give off. I do this because I’m paying attention to every detail of the people I surround myself with. I know when my kids have had a hard day at school the second they open the door and I’m immediately empathetic. I know when my spouse wakes up in the morning what kind of day he’ll have and adjust my behavior accordingly. But in my daily mania to make everyone feel safe and loved and noticed, I forgot to love myself.

One year ago I was tired. I was bending over backwards to make our household run with little help from my spouse. I was working part time and momming full time. I can’t say that I was doing any of it particularly well and I think deep down I knew that. Which only made me more frustrated with myself and, what I perceived to be, my inadequacies.

My frustrations turned to resentment and I became unkind. Unkind to me. I was incapable of living up to my own unrealistic expectations and therefore unworthy of self love. Or so I felt at the time. There were a lot of tears. Not the “I’ll pull it together in a minute” tears. But the kind that you can’t stop no matter how hard you try. The kind that leave your skin feeling raw and your heart cracked open. And the kind that draws little hands to knocking on your bedroom door, asking if mommy is okay and can they do anything to make you feel better.

It took a very good friend to pull me out of my self loathing and show me that I deserved respect, from my family, from my friends, and most importantly from myself. I will be forever grateful for their wisdom and encouragement. It was not an overnight, “aha!” moment and I shook myself loose of my negativity just like that. It was slow and painful and for every day I tried to love myself a little more, I’d have just as many where my mind was telling me my efforts weren’t good enough and I was undeserving.

Ever so slowly though, I learned to be my own best friend. My own confidant. My own cheerleader. And my own first love. I realized that my kids don’t need perfection and my spouse doesn’t need a second mother. And that sometimes making things a little easier for yourself is the best therapy there is. Be it, grabbing take-out on the way home instead of stressing about whipping up a home-cooked meal or getting the expensive baby co-sleeper so you can get a few more precious hours of sleep or even just ignoring the dishes and sitting down to read a book.

Ive learned in the last year that imperfect is okay. And messy is a glorious way to live and love. There will always be trials. There will always be heartbreak. There will always be someone telling you your efforts aren’t good enough. Just don’t let it be the voice in your head. Firmly plant yourself in your commitment to be kind to yourself, the noise of an unkind world will fall to the wayside.

So please, I ask this of everyone, be kind to yourself. You are so deserving of love and grace and forgiveness. Start treating yourself with respect and others will follow suit.